Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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