She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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