I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
