were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
