Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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