I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The best revenge is premature balding
this boner is exhausting
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had to cum in my sink.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
