she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
