We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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