I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize