Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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