i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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