I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
