drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
