Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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