he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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