put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
