I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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