You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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