i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
