doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
