she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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