thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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