no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
