What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
