New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
