Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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