I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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