He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
