if i can run in heels then i can drive
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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