So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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