How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
