I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
