I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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