Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
