I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
