im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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