in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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