i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
