I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
