So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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