How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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