Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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