Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
