She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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