My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
