oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
