Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
