I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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