well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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