I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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