sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Randomize
