why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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