I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
