i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
