Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
