Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
