Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
