ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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