did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
