We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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