you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
