I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
