evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
