Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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