Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
