WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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