Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize