Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
