Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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