if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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