P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.