I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate