just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.