everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME