I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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