i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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