I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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