And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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