I'm really into asian looking animals
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
