i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
