We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
