They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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