she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
