I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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