you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
