my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
