i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How naked do you want me to be?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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