I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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