I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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