Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
